


After All These Years

by hopeduckling13



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Modern AU, based on music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-03-04 21:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeduckling13/pseuds/hopeduckling13
Summary: Emma and Killian were highschool sweethearts, but then she went to college and broke up with him. What happens when they see each other again after ten years.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to listen to the songs the chapters are based on, here's a playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/onceuponacursedstorybrooke/playlist/4V2yDJJ1gCMmDGmcP3dcTg?si=55PoymJbRw-VRHonDVDToA

 

****

_And I, yeah, I never prepared for a moment like that_ __  
Yeah, suddenly, it all came back, it all came back  
'Cause after all these years  
I still feel everything when you are near  
And it was just a quick "Hello," and you had to go  
And you probably will never know  
You're still the one I'm after all these years  
(Oh yeah)

_\- All These Years by Camila Cabello_

**_Emma’s POV_ **

I’m visiting my adoptive parents this weekend, so I’m back in Storybrooke and I have to say, that not much has changed around here. It is still the small town with the same people, that I left almost 10 years ago.

I actually haven’t set foot in this town in that amount of time either since my parents and Ruby always visited me in New York. Storybrooke is the complete opposite of New York, which I’ve gotten used to consider my home.

The town is so small, that everyone instantly noticed I was back, so here I am at a secret ‘Welcome back’ party at Granny’s, which my best friend Ruby organized for me. I hate party’s in my honor – especially surprise party’s – but Ruby seemed so excited about it and me telling her I hate this, would only break her heart.

Ruby has been my best friend since we were in kindergarten, so hurting her is the last thing, I’d ever want to do. Also, her girlfriend Mulan is kind of scary and I wouldn’t want to get on her bad side since I think she knows how to use a sword.

So here I am, pretending to love the party and interacting with all the people I haven’t seen in ages. Everything goes normal, until I hear a voice, I haven’t expected to hear today. I was aware of the fact, that he still lived in this town, but I never thought, he’d show up at the party.

And apparently, he isn’t here for the party though since he’s standing at the counter, ordering two coffees and takeout food – enough takeout food for two people, which feels like someone’s stabbing me in the chest.

Sure, I never expected him to stay single forever, but it still hurts to know he’s moved on from me, moved on from us. At least he seems happy – happy with whoever she is.

And that’s the moment the jealousy sets in and I start hating this woman even though I don’t even know her or I do, but don’t know she’s with Killian.

Not many people move to Storybrooke, so it’s likely that I do know her. She might be an old friend of mine, which hurts even more than thinking of her as a total stranger. I just hope, she’s new here since with anyone else, it would feel like a betrayal.

Everyone in Storybrooke knew about Killian and I. We were high school sweethearts and totally and completely in love with each other – hell I still love him, if I’m being one hundred percent honest. But when things were getting serious by the end of school, I ran away. He proposed to me and I got scared due to my trust issues caused by my tragic childhood, so I went to college and didn’t tell him where I went.

Honestly, I’m surprised, that neither Ruby nor my parents ever told him about my location. I did ask them not to tell him, but deep down I always hoped they would since all I wanted was Killian and that never changed. I was just too stubborn to comeback or text him. I needed him to make the first step like many times during our relationship.

I was too scared to make the first step since he could possibly hate me for leaving him. It’s my fault our relationship ended after all.

There hasn’t been a day since I last saw him, that I don’t regret leaving him though. I miss him and I wish I would have known that day how much leaving him would affect me. But I was so scared, that I wasn’t thinking clearly.

Ruby: “Emma?”

I get dragged away from my thoughts by Ruby’s worried voice and it’s just in that moment, that I realize I’m crying slowly. I wipe the tears away and take a deep breath before turning to Ruby.

Emma: “What is it?”

Ruby: “Nothing. You spaced out and I got worried.”

Emma: “Sorry. I just…I didn’t think, he’d be here.”

Ruby: “I promise, that I didn’t invite him, Emma. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Oh, so Ruby still believes, that it’s his fault I left. I never told her about what happened because I was scared and thought, that if she knew, she’d never let me go, so I rather let her believe he hurt me, which is quite cruel of me, but the only way I could think of back then.

Emma: “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

Ruby: “You sure? Because I can kick him out.”

Emma: “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Ruby smiled at me one last time before going back to Mulan and kissing her.

I turn around in Killian’s direction again and his eyes meet mine. We are both tense, but still approach each other.

Killian: “Hi.”

Emma: “Hi.”

I take in his appearance and realize just how much his looks have changed. He’s even hotter than I remembered and that causes my knees to feel very weak, so I have to grab the counter in order to keep standing and not make a complete fool out of myself by crashing to the floor.

Killian’s hair is a little longer now than it was ten years ago and he also grew a short beard, which is something I usually don’t like in men, but he can work anything, I think.

Also in the last ten years Killian seems to have worked out quite a bit since his arms seem a little stronger. It’s probably from all the sailing he does with his ship. He already did that a lot back when we were dating. He’d take me out into the middle of the sea and there we’d watch the ocean, hear its waves crashing against the ship, while we had a picnic.

His eyes are the one thing, that hasn’t really changed. They’re still this incredible blue color and I still get lost in them every time I look into them.

They do seem less sad though and his smile is a little softer.

I remember him being very sad constantly, when we were together since he lost his brother a short time after we met and they moved to Storybrooke. His brother was the only family he ever had, that he can remember, so losing him totally teared him apart. But I guess all wounds can heal, if given the proper time to heal. Sure, they never completely go away, but the pain gets a little easier to deal with and allows you to move on.

Granny: “Killian, your order’s finished.”

He smiles at me and takes his bag of food and the coffees before leaving the diner and me far behind to go back home to her.

And once again I wonder what she’s like. I wonder if she kisses him like I kissed him. I wonder if she loves him like I love him.

And I realize while I look out of the window and see as Killian’s figure fades from view, that we left each other once again without a goodbye, without an explanation. This time he did the leaving, but everything else is the same. I still didn’t tell him why I left and I didn’t tell him that I love him still after all these years.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Somebody Else

## Emma’s POV

 

_“So I heard you found somebody else_   
_And at first I thought it was a lie_   
_I took all my things that make sounds_   
_The rest I can do without_

_I don't want your body_   
_But I hate to think about you with somebody else_   
_Our love has gone cold_   
_You're intertwining your soul with somebody else_

_I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone_   
_And then leaving with somebody else_   
_No, I don't want your body_   
_But I'm picturing your body with somebody else”_

_\- Somebody Else by The 1975_

 

 

After the surprise party it’s pretty late, but Ruby and I still hang out at the now empty diner. We just want to spend as much time together as possible before I leave for New York again. We’re best friends and hardly see each other anymore. I miss her so much.

I’ve often considered moving back to Storybrooke – to my parents and to Ruby. But I never did since every time I thought about it, Killian entered my every thought and I was worried about seeing him again and what that would do to my heart.

Now I know how it feels like to see him after all these years. Bad. Heartbroken. Empty. Lonely.

Suddenly I’m right back to reality because Ruby put her hand on my arm and looks at me with her worried gaze. She’s probably been talking to me and I’ve ignored her because once again the only person I could think about was Killian.

Why can’t my brain just forget about him? I totally moved on from him.

Ruby: “Hey, are you okay?”

Emma: “I’m fine.”

She raises her eyebrow and that move seems all too familiar since it’s something Killian did very often. It makes me miss him once again even though I have no right to miss him. I might still love him, but that doesn’t change the fact, that I was the one who left.

Ruby: “You aren’t okay, Emma. I only asked you because I wanted you to tell me what upsets you so much. Is it because of your little encounter with Killian?”

How does she do this? How does she always know exactly what I’m thinking about? I’m not that much of an open book, am I?

But anyway, Ruby might be right. I should talk to her about all this. Maybe she can help me figure out what the hell I’m going to do because I think, that I might be stupid enough to run away once again without letting anyone know the truth.

I hate my habit of running away whenever things get tough and I’m scared, but I just can’t stop it. It’s like a reflex you’ve learned as a toddler.

Emma: “You’ve caught me. It’s about him.”

Ruby: “Do I need to kill him for you?”

Right. She still thinks, that he hurt me and not the other way around.

Why did I lie to her again? It’s so hard to lie to Ruby because I fell like I’m betraying her trust, which I guess I am. I don’t want to feel this way though. I want to tell her the truth, but I just can’t.

Emma: “It’s nothing like that. It’s just…seeing him again, it was weird. It just all felt so wrong.”

Ruby: “I swear, if I would’ve known he’d show up here during the party, I would’ve stopped him beforehand. I promise.”

I shake my head and manage to smile at her even though it’s hard right now.

Emma: “I didn’t mind seeing him Ruby. I promise.”

Ruby: “Then why are you so upset, Emma? Is it because you still love him, while he moved on with Milah.”

So that’s his girlfriends name. She must be new in town since I can’t remember anyone with that name. Or maybe she was just always unimportant, but that’s less likely since she gets to date Killian, doesn’t she? So, she must do something right.

Emma: “I moved on, too.”

I didn’t really move on, but Ruby doesn’t need to know that. She’d only ask questions I’m not ready to answer.

Ruby: “Well, that’s the problem, Emma. You pretend to be fine with everything, but you’re not. You’re still hurt, so clearly you haven’t moved on.”

I sigh and put my hand on my forehead.

Ruby touches my shoulder and gives it a light squeeze to let me know, she’s always there for me. No matter what.

Emma: “I’m not hurt. I was just surprised about seeing him and realizing, that he’s happy…with somebody else.”

Ruby: “So, you’re jealous?”

Emma: “No!”

Ruby glares at me and I realize, that I’ve probably answered that way too fast. No one would ever believe me, but that could also be because I’m the worst liar in the world, despite being a human lie detector.

Emma: “Maybe. I just…I never really pictured him moving on after I left. When I lived here it was always him and I, so it’s weird that that changed, Ruby. I know we broke up a long time ago, but we haven’t seen each other since then, so it always feels like yesterday to me.”

Ruby: “Like you and him might still have a chance?”

Emma: “No. We’re definitely over. I do still love him, but not the way where I’d like to be with him. He’s my first love. It’s hard to see him with somebody else and I doubt that’ll ever change, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t move on from him. I did move on.”

Ruby: “Okay. Whatever you say.”

She doesn’t believe me, but I don’t care right now. I’m tired of talking about this, so I’m glad Ruby pretends to buy my story.

Emma: “So, let’s talk a little about you. What have you been up too?”

Ruby: “Let’s talk some more about you. Anything you want to know?”

There are some things I want to know – all concerning one issue of mine: Milah. But I shouldn’t ask about her. Ruby would just interpret too much into that, like that I’m jealous of what her and Killian have, which I’m not.

But after half a minute of silence, I decide against my better judgement and ask Ruby anyway.

Emma: “What is she like? Milah?”

Ruby: “Okay, I guess. I don’t really know her since the only contact I have with her is when she’s eating at the diner with Killian.”

Emma: “They do that a lot?”

Ruby: “Yes.”

I already hate her.

Milah has no right to eat with him there. Granny’s was mine and Killian’s place. Everybody knows that. Most of our dates were there, except when we went to the Italian restaurant or out of town.

Emma: “So, if you don’t know more about her, how does she look like?”

Ruby: “Pretty enough. Long and curly brown hair. She dresses weirdly like she believes all of us to be storybook characters.”

I stop listening then since Ruby already proved to me, that Milah definitely isn’t Killian’s type. I’m his type and she’s the complete opposite of me, so she must be wrong for him. Also, the whole storybook thing sounds insane. She could be dangerous, so I have a good excuse to hate her being with Killian.

I knew it wasn’t jealousy. I just sensed, that she should live in an asylum. I was worried about his well-being, which makes me a good friend, doesn’t it?

Ruby: “Emma? Are you still listening?”

Emma: “Sorry. I’m just distracted. It’s been a long day. I should go home to my bed.”

Ruby: “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow before you leave for New York.”

Emma: “See you then.”

I get up and hug her goodbye before leaving Granny’s.

I know I said to Ruby, that I needed sleep, but actually I’m heading to Killian’s house now. My best friend was right about me not having moved on from him. I want to move on, so I need closure and I think I’ll get that when I’ll finally tell Killian the truth about why I left. I owe that to the both of us.


	3. Happier

## Emma’s POV

 

 _“Walking down 29th and Park_  
I saw you in another's arms  
Only a month we've been apart  
You look happier

 _Saw you walk inside a bar_  
He said something to make you laugh  
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours  
Yeah, you look happier, you do

 _Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you_  
But ain't nobody love you like I do  
Promise that I will not take it personal, baby  
If you're moving on with someone new

 _'Cause baby you look happier, you do_  
My friends told me one day I'll feel it too  
And until then I'll smile to hide the truth  
But I know I was happier with you”

_\- Happier by Ed Sheeran_

As I make my way towards Killian’s house, I realize how much more nervous I get, while I get closer to him. My hands are shaking terribly. But I can’t turn back right now – no matter how terrified I am. I need closure and I owe him an explanation for leaving without a goodbye all these years ago. He deserves that.

 

I hope he still lives in his old house because otherwise I’m screwed, and all this fear was for nothing. I refuse to call Ruby to ask for his address since she’d only ask more questions then – questions I’m not ready to answer.

  
When I do arrive, I realize, that I’m at the right house. He’s there on the small terrace. But as I probably should’ve thought of before, he’s not alone. How could I have been so stupid. He did buy food and drinks for two people at Granny’s.

 

Now I have no idea, whether I should go talk to him or not. I leave tomorrow, so this really is my only chance, but I’m not in the mood to meet my replacement either. Also, she’d be the last person, that should hear our conversation. I haven’t even told my best friend, so I sure as hell won’t talk to Killian about it in the presence of a stranger.

 

As I keep awkwardly standing on the other side of the street, debating whether I should just leave or not, I decide that I can’t just run away from my fears again. I did that, when I left Killian and there hasn’t been a moment, that I didn’t regret that decision. Being with him has been the best thing, that’s ever happened to me and I just threw it away like trash because I was too afraid.

 

I must be brave today. I can’t make the same mistakes again.

 

So I start to approach the house, until I hear both of them laugh. After that Killian puts his arm around her and kisses her passionately. In that moment I feel like my heart is literally breaking into a thousand pieces and I start to realize once again, that Ruby was right all along. I never moved on and I doubt I’ll ever will, so I should just leave now and spare me the pain of watching them being happy.

 

I can’t handle seeing him so happy, which makes me hate myself. I was the one that left. I tore out his heart and stomped all over it, so I really can’t blame him for finding happiness without me. I should be happy for him right now. He really does deserve this since he never did anything wrong during our relationship. He really was the best boyfriend anyone could hope for. He’s perfect.

 

I’m about to turn away and leave, when Killian catches my attention once more. He’s now in front of Milah. He’s on one knee and holds out a ring, whose sparkles you can even see here. I swore to myself, that I wouldn’t cry tonight. But I can’t hold that promise. Not when I have to watch him propose to someone else. Not when a few years ago that was us. It’s just too much for me to handle since it sends me right down memory lane.

 

 ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

_It was a nice and warm Saturday evening. Killian and I were on his ship, the Jolly Rodger, and we were having a picnic to celebrate our graduation – or so I thought._

_One moment Killian and I were watching the ocean and the beautiful sundown, and a moment later Killian was on one knee, smiling brightly at me._

_Killian: “Emma Swan, you are the most special person in my life and I couldn’t be happier, that I get the chance to love you every single day. When my brother died, I thought I’d never be happy again and that from now on I’d be all alone. But you never let that happen. You showed me, that I indeed wasn’t alone, nor was I unlovable or in any way to blame for my brother’s death. Somehow you are my Savior and there isn’t any other person, I’d want in my life 24/7. So, Emma Swan, what do you say? Will you marry me?”_

_He pulled out the most amazing ring, I’ve ever seen. It suited me so well because it was pretty simple, but had a beautiful, brightly shining diamond on top of it. I loved simple things and Killian knew that too._

_Also, everything he said was almost making me cry because it was so beautiful, which made saying no the hardest thing in the world. But I just can’t marry him. Not yet. It’s all too fast. Also when he brought up Liam, I was once again reminded how everybody leaves. No one ever sticks around, even if they do truly love me like Killian loves me._

_So, it was in that moment, that I realized I couldn’t stay in Storybrooke. I have to leave as soon as possible because leaving Killian before he can leave me, is going to be far easier in the end. I won’t be that heartbroken this way. It’s all for the better – even for Killian. I’ll always be this broken little girl, who thinks she doesn’t matter to anyone and gets scared when someone actually cares. I’m unfixable and he deserves better. He deserves someone who can love him without any walls up – someone who wouldn’t reject his proposal._

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As it turned out, leaving really wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. It made me just as miserable as I would’ve been, if he left me back then. I’ll always regret, that I left and never came back. We could’ve had what these two have right now. I could’ve made him as happy as she makes him by accepting his proposal. But I guess now we’ve run out of time…

 

 

 


	4. Hoodie

## Emma’s POV

 

 _You'd probably think I was psychotic (if you knew)_  
What I still got in my closet (sad but true)  
Slip it on over my shoulders  
Something I'll never get over  
It makes me feel a little bit closer to you

 _I can't keep your love_  
I can't keep your kiss  
Gave you everything and all I got was this

 _I'm still rocking your hoodie_  
And chewing on the strings  
It makes me think about you  
So I wear it when I sleep  
I kept the broken zipper  
And cigarette burns  
Still rocking your hoodie  
Baby, even though it hurts  
Still rocking your

_\- Hoodie by Hey Violet_

I’ve been back in New York after visiting my family and friends in my hometown for a week now. I usually don’t see them that often, so it was very nice to be there. Except for the whole Killian drama, but I’ll get over that. Eventually. Who cares if it might take me a few years? It’s not like I’m in a happy relationship that I might screw up by still being in love with someone, who’s going to get married soon. I don’t do relationships anymore. Not since I left Storybrooke and my one shot at true love far behind ten years ago. Now one-nighters are as far as I ever go and that’s totally fine for me. Being alone most of the time works just fine for me.

So, anyway, when the doorbell rang this morning, I never expected to open the door to Ruby. We just saw each other a week ago, so saying that I’m surprised about her visit is a big understatement.

Emma: “Ruby? What are you doing here?”

Ruby: “Granny said I didn’t have to work this weekend, so I decided to visit my best friend. I missed you.”

She hugs me and invites herself in since I’m still a little frozen in place due to this surprise. I’m slowly but surely beginning to worry. She wouldn’t just drive four hours, if there wasn’t a serious issue at home. What the hell happened back in Storybrooke? Is everyone okay?

Emma: “But we just saw each other last week. What happened back home? Is everything alright, Ruby? You’re worrying me.”

Ruby: “Well, to be honest I’m here because I’m worried about you. You were acting strange Sunday morning before you left, so I can only assume, that you went to Killian’s after we hung out at Granny’s.”

How the hell does she know that? Am I that obviously dealing with the fact, that I had to witness him proposing to someone else right in front of me? I thought I was hiding it well! I mean I don’t actually care that much. Sure, it hurt a little bit, but it’s really fine.

Emma: “There’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m fine.”

Ruby glares at me and then her face drops to my sweater – or more accurately Killian’s sweater. I hope she doesn’t notice that it’s his. I don’t want her to know how pathetic I am – wearing the hoodie of my ex, whom I broke with ten years ago just because it makes me feel closer to him.

Ruby: “Yeah. I can see, that you’re totally fine, Emma. So, do tell me, whose hoodie is that? It’s obviously a man’s hoodie and I don’t recall you telling me about a boyfriend since you and Killian broke up ten years ago.”

I groan and let myself fall back onto the couch, covering my face with my hands and sighing loudly.

Ruby: “Oh, so it _is_ Killian’s.”

Emma: “Yeah.”

Ruby then sits down on the couch next to me and hugs me tightly.

Ruby: “You never even moved on a little bit, have you?”

I shake my head, fighting the tears, that are threatening to stream down my face. I haven’t really cried about Killian in years, but since last Saturday, it’s all I do, when I think about him. I guess, that him proposing to Milah, made me realize for the first time, how much I actually did want to marry him one day. I never really thought, that we’d never get back together, but that seems to be the case now.

Ruby: “Why are you even doing this to yourself? Wearing his hoodie? You should’ve gotten rid of that years ago.”

Emma: “I couldn’t. I tried many times, but I just always stopped myself from throwing it away. I like to wear it from time to time, when I’m missing him more than on other days. I think, that keeping this was a way of keeping him in my life – at least part of him. It’s all I still had of him, so I never had the heart to throw it away. Getting rid of it kind of meant letting him go completely and I’m not ready for that, Rubes. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”

I then couldn’t hold back my tears any longer and started sobbing into Ruby’s embrace. She just kept sitting there, holding me tight without judging me, until eventually my crying stopped. She really is the best friend I could ever hope for and I’m glad I met her, when Mary Margret and David adopted me. In my childhood I never had a real friend, so I know, how I’d feel like right now, if Ruby wasn’t here for me. And it’s a feeling I don’t ever want to feel again. It’s too nice to have someone take care of you, when you’re feeling down.

Emma: “Thanks. I really did need a good cry after everything that’s happened.”

Ruby: “What exactly did happen anyway? Was it something Killian and you talked about on Saturday?”

Emma: “We never talked on Saturday. I went there with the intention to talk to him, but he was busy, so I never rang the doorbell.”

Ruby: “Then why were you so upset on Sunday?”

I guess it’s time I finally tell Ruby the truth. She deserves my honesty for being such a great friend and if I’m being totally honest with myself, it’s too hard to keep all these feelings bottled up in my chest any longer. I need to share everything with someone, otherwise I might actually go insane.

Emma: “When I went to see him on Saturday, he was with Milah and he proposed to her. It felt awful to watch it even though I can’t blame him for seeking happiness with her. He deserves that after everything that’s happened and I’m in no position to judge him or feel jealous or anything. I should’ve just been happy for him in that moment, but I couldn’t. It did break me more than it should’ve.”

Ruby puts her arm back around me.

Ruby: “OMG. I’m so sorry, Ems. I’m going to murder him for this! How could he just propose to her in plain sight, when he knew you were in town.”

Emma: “Please don’t, Ruby. It’s fine. He has any right to hurt me. It’s not like I spared his feelings ten years ago.”

Ruby looks at me with a confused glance and she puts her head to the side a little, signalizing me to spill it out. This isn’t going to be easy since she’s going to feel like I lied to her all this time, but technically I didn’t. I never said, that he broke my heart, I just told her, that we broke up and that I’m leaving Storybrooke.

Emma: “I never told you the whole story and I’m sorry about it, but I was scared – scared that anyone would try to change my mind about everything. I couldn’t risk that, so I never told anyone, what happened between me and Killian. Do you remember the day we broke up?”

Ruby nodded.

Ruby: “Yeah. You had a date on his ship. He picked up some food from Granny’s before you guys left, and he seemed very excited. So, did you when I helped you pick an outfit for the date. I never really comprehended how you suddenly broke up just a few hours later. But I guess I’m about to.”

I took a deep breath. Having to relive the story of out break-up for the second time in a week isn’t easy. Sometimes I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget all about it.

Emma: “Well, the date as it turned out was pretty special. He proposed to me.”

A single tear streams down my face and I’m sure there are soon going to be even more as soon as I finish this story.

Emma: “And that freaked me out, so I said no, broke up with him and told him, that I’m going to leave Storybrooke. So, you might’ve thought for years that he was the villain in our story, but he wasn’t. He was a great boyfriend. He even tried to stop me from leaving, but obviously I didn’t listen. I was the villain in that little drama. I broke his heart into a million pieces and my own heart with it in the process.”

Ruby: “But you were so happy, Emma. Why didn’t you just say, that you weren’t ready to get married?”

Emma: “I don’t know. Probably because he mentioned losing Liam during his proposal and that made me realize, that people always leave even if they don’t intend to leave you. I didn’t want to end up with a broken heart, so I thought that it was easier to break his. But as it turned out I was wrong. I just made both of us miserable.”

Ruby: “You were so scared of losing him, that you pushed him away.”

Exactly.

Ruby stares at the walls opposite of us, clearly lost in her thoughts. Then her eyes suddenly lit up and she quickly got my laptop from the coffee table. She started it.

Emma: “What are you doing?”

Ruby: “Getting you a plane ticket. You have to go to Storybrooke now and tell Killian, that you still love him.”

Emma: “He’s happy with Milah. He doesn’t need me confusing him. We’d never work out anyway because I’d eventually get scared once again and break his heart. He deserves someone who isn’t unfixable like me.”

Ruby: “Emma, you’re not unfixable. Being scared once in a while is totally alright. It’s human and so is making mistakes. You both love each other more than he could ever love Milah. Hell, he proposed to her at his house and is rushing into their small, unmeaningful wedding, while his proposal to you was much more romantic. I mean he took you out on his ship, which is more his home than the house he’s living in ever could be. Also, you weren’t in Storybrooke the last ten years, watching him be miserable. He still loves you, so please don’t screw this up again, Emma. This is your last chance to be happy with him.”

Emma: “I don’t know, Ruby. I can’t just go to him after everything that’s happened and tell him how big a mistake I made. Let me think about it and maybe talk to him the next time I’m in Storybrooke.”

Ruby grabs my arms to make me look her straight in the eyes. She has a serious look in her own.

Ruby: “You don’t have time for that, Emma. He’s getting married in a few hours.”

Emma: “What? Are you sure? They only got engaged last week.”

Ruby: “Yeah. Unfortunately, I am sure. They are having a very small ceremony at Granny’s, so they didn’t need any time for preparations. Why do you think I’m here? I thought, that you might know about the wedding and I felt like you shouldn’t be alone on a day like today.”

So, this is really it! If I don’t leave now, I’m losing Killian forever.

 

 


	5. Speak Now

## Emma’s POV

 

 _I hear the preacher say,_  
"Speak now or forever hold your peace,"  
There's a silence, there's my last chance,  
I stand up with shaking hands,  
All eyes on me,  
Horrified looks from everyone in the room,  
But I'm only lookin' at you

 _I am not the kind of girl,_  
Who should be rudely bargin' in on a white veil occasion,  
But you are not the kind of boy,  
Who should be marryin' the wrong girl

_\- Speak Now by Taylor Swift_

 

 

My hands are shaking terribly as I get off the plane and Ruby and I start to run towards the taxis, which can drive us back to Storybrooke. Saying, that we need to hurry is almost an understatement since we only have thirty minutes left until the wedding starts and the way to Storybrooke is at least twenty minutes long. I hope nothing goes wrong, because if that’s the case, we’ll never going to make it in time.

I almost lose it, when there’s a tree on the road due to the storm, that’s terrorizing the state. It’s almost like the weather is reflecting my emotions. Ruby tells me to calm down and have hope, that everything will be okay, but that doesn’t stop my anxiety. I can’t lose Killian to someone else. Not now that Ruby has given me hope, that he still loves me.

Ruby really has spent too much time with my parents. They’re always all about hope and now they’ve infected Ruby with it, too. I’m officially outnumbered and that isn’t fun.

 

**…**

 

Once we finally reach Storybrooke after forty minutes in the taxi, I jump out of it and run towards Granny’s, while Ruby stays to pay. But as I storm through the front door I realize, that we’re too late. The wedding is already happening. There is a small ‘alter’ by the jukebox and a preacher, Killian and Milah are standing in front of it. Milah is currently going through her vows and I can see that some of the guests have tissues in their hands. I could actually use some of them. I feel like crying, too, but probably for other reasons.

Ruby wasn’t lying, when she said the ceremony was small. I don’t see any familiar faces except for Robin, who’s standing next to Killian as the best man. He stares at me with confusion, but luckily no one else spotted me yet. The rest of the audience must be Milah’s family. Her parents and probably her grandparents. A sister, maybe. And her best friend as the bridesmaid. That’s all. They’re all wearing stupid pastel colours and look far too happy – I could punch each of them in the face.

It makes me sad, that besides Robin there’s no one here for Killian. This just isn’t right. He deserves better than this and it’s even more upsetting, that this is probably all my fault. My parents are very popular in this town, so everyone loves me and tends to be a little overprotective at times. The majority of town probably stopped interacting with Killian after we broke up, assuming like Ruby that he broke my heart. I hate all of this. I wish I could take back what I did. Then I wouldn’t lose Killian right now – right in front of my eyes. It feels almost like having to watch him die even if that sounds a tad overdramatic.

Preacher: “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

And that’s the moment I realize, that I haven’t quite lost Killian yet. There’s still a chance for us and I have to take it even if that is going to hurt Milah a lot. But I just can’t let him make this mistake. Ruby already pointed it out, that he could never love her the way he loves me and I think she’s right about that. Or at least I want to believe that.

So, I walk further into the room with shaking hands. I’m aware that Milah’s family sends me horrified looks, but that doesn’t matter right now. All that matters is Killian.

His eyes meet mine and it’s in that moment, that I have confirmation of Ruby’s theory. He does still love me, otherwise he wouldn’t look at me like that, while he’s in the process of marrying someone else.

Killian: “Emma? What are you doing here? Is everything alright?”

Emma: “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

I approach him further, until I’m standing right in front of him. I then look up into his ocean blue eyes and smile.

Emma: “I’m sorry about everything that happened between us, Killian. You deserve to be happy, even if it’s not with me. But I just needed you to know something before you do this.”

I point around the room towards the decorations and the altar.

Emma: “I never stopped loving you and there hasn’t been a single day, that I haven’t deeply regretted breaking your heart. I just thought you deserved to know that.”

Tears are streaming down my face and I kiss Killian on the cheek, before turning around and approaching the exit of Granny’s. If he wants to answer me, he’ll find me. I’m sure of that. And this place definitely wouldn’t be the right place. I might not know Milah, but I still wouldn’t hurt her more than I already have to. And I can understand well enough how it feels to see the person you love with someone else. I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy and much less someone I don’t even know – who has never done anything to offend me besides being in love with the love of my life.

So, I leave Granny’s behind me and approach the docks. It’s a place, that Killian will try, if he does come looking for me. We’ve sat here quite often, when we had important conversations. He always loved the water because it calmed him.

 

**…**

 

It doesn’t take long for Killian to find me at the docks. I sit on a bench facing the ocean, when he suddenly knees in front of me, so that we’re on the same level. He places his hands on each side of my face and smiles brightly at me.

Killian: “I love you, too, my Swan.”

We then kiss shortly, having to pull away because we both can’t stop smiling extremely.

Emma: “I missed you.”

Killian: “And I missed you.”

I hug him tightly and he lifts me up the ground, while spinning me around. I never thought I could be this happy again, so I’m very glad for the first time about being wrong. I still don’t understand how I could be dumb enough to break up with him in the first place.

My parents, especially my mother, always referred to Killian as my true love and I’m sure they’re right about that – I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.

I know there’s still a lot Killian and I have to talk about before we can resume our relationship, but all that doesn’t matter right now. We’re just happy, that we’re back in each other’s arms and nothing else is more important.


End file.
